Reasons to Stay
by Dramatical Megs
Summary: Something needs sorting between Boyd and Grace
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Waking The Dead belongs to the BBC (unfortunately not to me!)_

**Reasons To Stay**

"Boyd?" She said questioningly. He looked up, shocked to hear her voice, she was leaning against the doorframe to his office. The lights behind her creating a soft glow around her figure. He gave her a small smile, one which he knew she would understand. She always amazed him with how well she was able to read him. She sadly smiled back, slowly making her way into his office. A sudden gush of feelings gripped his stomach, guilt. He felt guilty, guilty for the way he sometimes, sometimes? always treated her. She looked crushed, tired, fed-up the list could go on. He felt sorry. How he'd be able to tell her this he didn't know. She sunk into his sofa, curling her legs beneath her.

He knew what she wanted, the way she sat, the way she positioned herself she wanted, needed to talk, for him to talk.

He leaned back in his chair and took his glasses off. He then rubbed his hands over his face and closed his eyes.

Grace sat watching him, a sad, yet concerned look etched across her face.

"It's late." She tried lightly.

He opened his eyes and sat forward. He reached over and opened the bottom drawer of his desk. He brought out a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

Standing up he walked over to her, her eyes watching him, her head slightly tilted. He sat down closely next to her, brushing her leg with his as he made himself comfortable.

He silently handed her the two glasses, he poured them both a generous amount of the dark liquid. He put the bottle on the floor and took his glass from Grace. He studied the expression on her face the way her body looked, the way it was positioned.

He lifted the glass to his lips and drained its contents.

After finishing his wine he felt at a loss. He looked up at her.  
After what seemed like an age he managed to pluck up the courage to speak.

"Grace…I…" He struggled "I … sorry" he managed to say hardly audible.

She never took her eyes off him, she pressed her lips tightly together, she could feel the emotion building up within her. Boyd looked into her eyes, he saw the pain, he knew the pain. He was frustrated with himself, he did know Grace he did know how she felt, he did know that he treated her like shit, yet did he do anything about it?

"This isn't going to work is it?" she croaked, not realising how close to the surface her emotions had risen. She didn't want Boyd knowing just how much his careless actions could damage her.

He looked down into his empty wine glass, he noticed she hadn't drank anything.

"I'm sorry" he said, this time slightly louder.

She placed her hand over his and squeezed it. She removed a leg from underneath herself and started to stand up. Boyd gripped hold of her hand tighter to prevent her from walking away.

"I'm tired. You've drained everything from me Boyd."  
"Grace." He said looking up at her, he looked into her eyes he saw the pain, pain he'd caused.

"Please, please don't…don't give up on me now! I …… _need_ you"

Something surged in her stomach, she wasn't quite sure what it was.

"Its too late now Boyd." She tightened her lips again, slumping her shoulders in defeat.

"Please Grace, it's not very often I say please." He tried lightly.  
"One more chance?" he asked looking into her eyes, seeking something.  
He laced his fingers between hers and gently tugged her hand down coaxing her to sit on the sofa.

"Its taken me a long time." He started softly "a lot of arguments, I never comprehended that it would take me till you threaten to leave for me to realise just how much I need you, how much I take you for granted. I don't want you to leave Grace." He searched her face, for something, anything.  
She was too tired to argue, too tired to fight against him.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: Waking The Dead belongs to the BBC (unfortunately not to me!)_

"I'm tired Boyd" she looked into his eyes, she knew he found it difficult to talk, but if anything was going to get better he had to start.  
"I'm tired of the way I'm treated." She had to be honest with him too.

He was desperate for the anger not to bubble up inside himself, he wasn't angry with Grace, he was angry with himself, but somehow she was almost always at the receiving end of his anger.

She put her glass down and pulled her hand away from Boyd's grip, she protectively put her arms around herself and averted her eyes. This reaction hurt Boyd, more than he ever realised it could.

"Leaving would be the best option for both of us" she said quietly.

Boyd scoffed "no, no, no! See that's where you're wrong! That's just you running away!" He knew he could have worded it better, but it's just how he felt.

She looked up at him, her face full of hurt.

"Why?" was all she could manage.

He rubbed his hand down his jaw.

"I don't know, I don't know anymore Grace, I don't know what's happening. What's happened to us?" he looks at her like a child seeking answers.

She closed her eyes and swallowed. Her emotions threatening to spill out.

"Maybe we need a break from each other Boyd." She managed to choke. She told herself to be strong, she didn't want Boyd to agree with her leaving, she wanted him to want her to stay, she wanted him to need her, need her as much as she needed him.

"I can't do this any more," she confessed. "I need to feel needed. I want us to work Boyd, I really do but I think we need some time apart. We've known each other for such a long time and I'm afraid that if we continue the way we are, we wont have any kind of relationship at all. For as much as we fight, we bicker and we hate each other sometimes, I still care about you Boyd." She looked up, her eyes glistening, tears threatening to fall; she wasn't about to let them though.

Boyd closed his eyes and smiled lightly.

"I care about you too Grace," he said opening his eyes "I know I don't ever show it, but I do."

"I just think we need some space. I need time to clear my head." She looked at Boyd; a look he felt said she had nothing left.

He didn't realise how much hurt he would feel seeing Grace like this.

"Can we talk first, to clear the air? I, I hate us being like this Grace." His tone softening, making the atmosphere in the room a lot more comfortable.

"I'll need this first." she said light-heartedly, she picked up her wine and took a much needed swig from it.

Boyd smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: Waking The Dead belongs to the BBC (unfortunately not to me!)_

After finishing the glass, she gave Boyd a small smile. 'Dutch courage' she thought.

"Better?" He asked, half joking.

She put the glass down and tucked her hands between her legs, she opened her mouth slightly to say something but gently closed it, her mind whirring in thought.

Boyd looked up at her, wanting her to continue, but didn't want to press her.

She moved herself to face Boyd. They sat there in silence, Grace not wanting to make the first move; Boyd not entirely sure what to say, their minds both working over time.

"I never wanted us to end up like this," he confessed.

"It's not the same with you, I've never had a…relationship quite like it…I've drifted since…well since…you know. You know me better than I do Grace! Sometimes I wonder why you haven't left already." He said meekly.

"I keep hoping you'll buck your ideas up and see sense!" She said lightly with a sad smile. Boyd returned her sad smile, knowing her statement to be half true.

"I can't hang on to nothing." She whispered, he hardly heard her.

'She's right,' he thought 'I'm definitely not worth hanging on for, but I don't want her to leave.' He desperately wanted to find the right words, express how he felt. Tell her the things he could never say. He didn't want Grace to get too close, she knew too much about him. The more he thought about it the more he realised 'Grace knows almost everything there is to know about me, all my skeletons, and yet the reason she's leaving is because I don't appreciate her and treat her like shit!'

He was too busy worrying that his emotional baggage would scare her away to realise he was capable doing that himself by treating her so badly. He could have kicked himself. Somehow or another he always managed to chase away the most important people in his life. He looked up, realising he'd been deep in thought.

"Grace," He started. "My behaviour…it's been, it's been…inexcusable, I'm sorry." He finished.

"I don't expect a change over night Boyd, but I'm scared," She paused and looked into his eyes seeking something, anything.

"I know you're hurting, but…doing what you're doing Peter, it starts to hurt everybody else. I can't keep pretending everything's okay. I'm hurting too." She said softly. The softness of her voice, and the tears in her eyes made Boyd feel slightly sick with guilt. He turned his head away from her.

"I'm desperate for you to see sense, realise we are on your side, Peter please!"


End file.
